The Millennial Question - Simon Sinek

 I have yet to give a speech or have a meeting where somebody doesn't ask me the Millenial question. What's the Millennial question apparently Millennials as a generation which is a group of people who were born approximately 1984, and are tough to manage they're accused of being, entitled, narcissistic self-interested unfocused lazy, but entitled is the big one, and because they confound leadership so much. What's happening?

As leaders are asking the Millennials what do you want! and Millennials are saying we want to work in a place with purpose love, that we want to make an impact you know whatever, that means we want free food and bean bags, and so, somebody articulates some sort of purpose. There's lots of free food, and there are bean bags, and yet, for some reason. They're still not happy and that's because they're missing there's a missing piece, what I've learned is that there I can break it down into four pieces right. There are four things and four characteristics.

One is parenting, the other one is technology, the third is impatience, and the fourth is the environment. The generation that we call the Millennials too many of them grew up subject to not my words and failed parenting strategies. You know where for example they were told that they were special all the time, they were told that they have anything, they want in life just cuz they want it right, they were told some of them got into honors classes, not because they deserved it but because their parents complained and some of them got a is not because they earned them, but because the teachers didn't want to deal with the parents. Some kids got participation medals they got a medal for coming in last right. The science we know is pretty clear, which is it devalues the medal and the reward for those, who actually work hard and that actually makes the person who comes in last feel embarrassed, because they know they didn't deserve it so that makes me feel worse right. So you take this group of people in the graduate school and they get a job and the thrust into it into the real world, and in an instant.

They find out they're not special their moms can't get them a promotion that they get nothing for coming in last By the way, you can't just have it because you want it right, and in an instant, their entire self-image is shattered, and so you have an entire generation that's growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations. The other problem to compound it is we're growing up in a Facebook, Instagram, world in other words we're good at putting filters on things, and we're good at showing people that life is amazing. Even though I'm depressed right and so everybody sounds tough, and everybody sounds like they got it we'll figure it out and the reality is there's very little toughness, and most people don't have it figured out, and so when the more senior people say what we do they sound like this is what you got at it, and they have no clue so you have an entire generation growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations right, through no fault of their own, right. They were dealt a bad hand right. Now let's add in technology, we know that engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called dopamine, that's why when you get a text feels good right. So, you know we've all had it we you're feeling a little bit down or feeling a bit lonely and so you send out ten texts to ten friends you know high high high, because it feels good when you get a response right. It's why we count the likes it's why we go back ten times to see if it's going if our Instagram is growing slower. I would do something wrong do they not like me any more right.

The trauma for young kids to be unfriended right because we know when you get it you get a hit of dopamine, which feels good, why we like it. It's why we keep going back to it dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke when we drink, and when we gamble in other words. It's highly addictive right.

We have age restrictions on smoking, gambling, and alcohol, and we have no age restrictions and social media and cell phones, which is the equivalent of opening up the liquor cabinet and saying to our teenagers hey. By the way, this adolescence thing if it gets you down but that's basically what's happening, right. That's basically what happened you have an entire generation, that has access to an addictive numbing chemical called dopamine, through social media and cell phones. As they're going through the high stress of adolescence. Why is this important almost every alcoholic discovered alcohol? When they were teenagers when we were very very young, the only approval we need is the approval of our parents, and as we go through adolescence we make this transition. Where we now need the approval of our peers is very frustrating for our parents, very important for us, that allows us, to acculturate outside of our immediate families into the broader tribe right.

It's a highly stressful and anxious period of our lives and we're supposed to learn to rely on our friends some people quite by accident discover alcohol, and numbing effects of dopamine, to help them cope with the stresses and anxieties of adolescence. Unfortunately, that becomes hardwired in their brains and for the rest of their lives. When they suffer significant stress they will not turn to a person, they will turn to the bottle of social stress, financial stress, and career stress, which are pretty much the primary reasons. Why an alcoholic drinks right what's happening is because we're out allowing unfettered access to these dopamine-producing devices and media. 

Basically, it's becoming hardwired and what we're seeing is as they grow older too many kids don't know how to form deep meaningful relationships. Their words not mine, they will admit that many of their friendships are superficial, they will admit that their friends that they don't count on their friends, they don't rely on their friends they have fun with their friends, but they also know that their friends will cancel out them that something better comes along deep meaningful relationships, are not there because they never practice the skill set and worse they don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress. So, when significant stress starts to show up in their lives they're not turning to a person, they're turning to a device, they're turning to social media, they're turning to these things which offer temporary relief. We know the science is clear, we know that people who spend more time on Facebook so far have higher rates of depression than people who spend less time on Facebook write these things balanced. Alcohol is not bad too much, alcohol is bad gambling is fun too much, gambling is dangerous right.

There's nothing wrong with social media and cell phones it's the imbalance but if you're at dinner with your friends and you're texting somebody who's not there that's a problem that's an addiction. If you're sitting in a meeting with people you're supposed to be listening to and speaking and you put your phone on the table face up or face down. I don't care that sends the subconscious message to the room and you're not just, just not that important to me right.

Now right that's what happens and the fact that you cannot put it away it's because you are addicted right, if you wake up and you check your phone, before you say good morning to your girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse you have an addiction and like all addiction in time it'll destroy relationships, it'll cost time, and it'll cost money, and it'll make your life worse right.

So, you have a generation growing up with lower self-esteem that doesn't have the coping mechanisms to do with stress right. Now you add in the sense of impatience right, they've grown up in a world of instant gratification you want to buy something, you go on Amazon it arrives the next day, you want to watch a movie log on, and watch your movie, you don't check movie times you want to watch your TV show binge you don't even have to wait week to week right. I know people who skip seasons just so they can binge at the end of the season right.

Instagram if the occasion you want to go on a date you don't even have to learn how to be like, you don't even have to learn and practice that skill, you don't have to be the uncomfortable Intuit's is yes when you mean no one says, no when you mean no, but yes when you have to swipe right bang. I'm a stud right you don't have to learn the social coping mechanisms right. Everything you want you can have instantaneously everything you want instant gratification except job satisfaction and strength of relationships. There ain't no app for that they are slow meandering uncomfortable messy processes and so I keep meeting these wonderful fantastic idealistic hard-working smart kids. They've just graduated school they're in their entry-level job I sit down with them.

When I go how's it going they go I think I'm going to quit I'm like why they're like I'm not making an impact, I'm like you've been here eight months it's as if they're standing at the foot of a mountain and they have this abstract concept called impact, that they want to have in the world which is the summit what they don't see is the mountain. I don't care if you go up the mountain quickly or slowly but there's still a mountain and so what this young generation needs to learn is patience that some things that really matter like love, or job, fulfillment joy love of life self-confidence skill set any of these things all of these things take time.

Sometimes you can expedite pieces of it but the overall journey is arduous and long and difficult and if you don't ask for help and learn that skill set you will fall off the mountain or you will the worst case scenario. The worst case scenario and we're already seeing it the worst case scenario is we're seeing an increase in suicide rates, we're seeing an increase in this generation, we're seeing an increase in accidental deaths due to drug overdoses, we're seeing more and more kids drop out of school or take leaves of absence due to depression unheard of these are this is really bad the best case scenario, the bet those are all bad cases right. The best case scenario is you'll have an entire population growing up and going through life and just never really finding joy they'll never really find deep fulfillment in work or in life. They'll just walk through life and it'll GE just it's fine how's your job it's fine, the same as yesterday, how's your relationship it's fine, like that's the best-case scenario. This leads me to the fourth point which is the environment which is we're taking this amazing group of young fantastic kids who would just deal a bad hand. It's no fault of their own and we put them in corporate environments that care more about the numbers than they do about the kids they care more about the short-term gains than the long-term life of this young human being.

We care more about the year than the lifetime right, and so we are putting them in corporate environments that aren't helping them build their confidence, that isn't helping them learn the skills of cooperation, that isn't helping them overcome the challenges of a digital world and finding more balance, that isn't helping them overcome the need to have instant gratification and teach them the joys and impact in the fulfillment. You get from working hard over on something for a long time that cannot be done in a month or even in a year and so with thrusting to them in corporate environments and the worst part about it is they think it's them they blame themselves. they can't, they think it's them who can't deal and so it makes it all worse, it's not. I'm here to tell them it's not them, it's the corporation it's the corporate environments it's the total lack of good leadership in our world. Today that is making them feel the way they do they were dealt a bad hand it is and I hate to say it but it's the company's responsibility sucks to be you like we have no choice right this is what we got and I wish that society and their parents did a better job they didn't. So, we're gonna we're getting them in our companies and we now have to pick up the slack we have to work extra hard to figure out the ways that we build their confidence.

We have to work extra hard to find ways to teach them socially, the social skills that they're missing out on there should be no cell phones in conference rooms, none zero, and I don't mean the kind of like sitting outside waiting to text, I mean like when you're sitting and waiting for a meeting to start nobody goes this is what we all do. We all sit here and wait for the meeting to start meaning starting okay we start the meeting no that's not how relationships are formed. Remember we talked about it's the little things relationships are formed this way we're waiting for a meeting to start we go how's your dad. I heard he was in the hospital, oh he's really good thanks for asking he's actually home, Though oh I'm really glad it was really amazing. I know it was really scary for well that's how you form relationships, hey did you ever get that report on. Oh my god, no, I didn't I'll help you out, I totally am. Can I help you out with that really that's how trust forms. 

Trust doesn't form at an event in a day even bad times don't form trust immediately, it's the slow steady consistency and we have to create mechanisms where we allow for those little innocuous interactions to happen. But when we allow cell phones and conference rooms, we just okay I have the meeting and then my favorite is like when there's a cell phone there and you go like that you go, it rings and go. I'm not going to answer that Mr. Magnanimous. You know when you're out for dinner with your friends like I do this with my friends when we're going out for dinner and we're leaving together. We'll leave our cell phones at home and we call maybe one of us. will bring a phone in case we need to call an Uber or take a picture of our meal there's the Fang come on. I'm not I'm an idealist, but I'm not insane, I keep them, I mean it looked really good we'll take one phone and so it's like an alcoholic. The reason you take the alcohol out of the house this week is because we cannot trust our willpower we're just not strong enough but when you remove the temptation it actually makes it a lot easier and so when you just say don't check your phone. People literally will go like this and somebody will go to the bathroom and what's the first thing we do, because I wouldn't want to look around the restaurant for a minute and a half you know but if you don't have the phone. You just kind of enjoy the world and that's where ideas happen the constant gage. Minh is not where you have innovation and ideas. Ideas happen when our minds wander and we go and you see something, uh, I bet they could do that, that's called innovation right. 

But we're taking away all those little moments right you should not end none of us. Should charge our phones by our beds, and we should be charging our phones in the living rooms right remove the temptation you wake up in the middle of the night because you can't sleep, you won't check your phone which makes it worse but if it's in the living room it's relaxed it's fine hiya. But it's my alarm clock, an alarm clock that cost eight dollars. I'll buy you in a while right. But the point is the point, as we know in industry whether we like it or not we don't get a choice we now have a responsibility to make up the shortfall and to help this amazing idealistic fantastic generation build their confidence learn patience, learn the social skills, find a better balance between life and technology, because quite frankly it's the right thing to do.